we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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