I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
