I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
