I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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