i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
