So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
