He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
