i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
