Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
