Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
