His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
