A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
