Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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