Can Purell be used as lube?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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