My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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