All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
