Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
