i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
