My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
