even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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