My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
