oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
