Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
