Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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