Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
