ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
