Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
