Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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