So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just invented taco cereal.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
