I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
