yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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