he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
