So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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