Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
