i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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