i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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