I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
