Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
someone threw a dead crab at me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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