Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
