1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
