mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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