She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
