she looked like the before picture.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
