Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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