found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
