If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
