You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
