who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
