i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
