I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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