I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
