I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
