So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
