I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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